Post by The Ambassador on Jul 20, 2019 21:23:45 GMT
Providing Comfort for Victims of Abuse
“The God of all comfort . . . comforts us in all our trials.”—2 COR. 1:3, 4.
Humans have a natural need for comfort and a remarkable ability to provide it. For instance, when a little child falls and skins his knee while playing, he may run to Mommy or Daddy, crying. The parents cannot heal the wound, but they can comfort the child. They may ask what happened, wipe away his tears, offer soothing words and affection, and perhaps apply some medicine or a bandage. Before long, the child stops crying and may even resume playing. In time, the wound will heal.
Sometimes, though, children are hurt in far worse ways. Some are sexually abused. The abuse can be inflicted on a single occasion, or it may go on for years. In either case, the abuse can leave deep emotional scars. In some cases, the offender is caught and punished. In others, the abuser may seem to escape justice. But even if justice is swift, the harmful effects of the abuse may last well into adulthood.
If a Christian who was abused as a child still struggles with emotional pain as an adult, what help is available? (Read 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4.) Clearly, it is God’s will that his disciples receive the love and comfort they need. So let us address three questions: (1) Why may those who have endured child abuse need comfort? (2) Who can provide the comfort needed? (3) How can we offer comfort effectively?
Why Is Comfort Needed?
For some adults who suffered childhood abuse, comfort may still be needed even though many years have passed. Why? In order to understand, we must first realize that children are very different from adults. A child is often affected in ways that are quite different from the ways that an adult might be affected by mistreatment. Consider some examples.
Children need to form close, trusting bonds with those who raise them and care for them. Such bonds make children feel secure and teach them to trust others who love them. (Ps. 22:9) Sadly, abuse most often occurs in the home, and close family members and family friends are common perpetrators. Breaking a child’s trust in this way can make it hard for that child to trust others, even years later.
Children are vulnerable, and sexual abuse is cruel and harmful. Subjecting children to sexual acts many years before they are physically, emotionally, or mentally ready for sex within marriage can do great harm. Abuse can badly distort their view of sex, of themselves, or of anyone who seeks to be close to them.
Children are not fully developed in their ability to think, to reason, or to recognize and avoid danger. (1 Cor. 13:11) So it is all too easy for devious abusers to deceive children. Abusers teach children dangerous lies, such as the idea that the child is to blame, that the abuse must be kept secret, that no one will listen or care if the child reports the abuse, or that sexual acts between an adult and a child are actually normal expressions of sincere love. Such lies can distort a child’s thinking ability and perception of truth for many years. Such a child may grow up thinking of herself or himself as damaged, defiled, and unworthy of love or comfort.
It is not surprising, then, that sexual abuse can cause lasting harm. How evil this crime is! Such widespread abuse is clear evidence that we are living in evil times, a time when many have “no natural affection” and when “wicked men and impostors will advance from bad to worse.” (2 Tim. 3:1-5, 13) Satan’s designs are truly evil, and it is sad when humans act in a way that pleases the Devil. However, God is far stronger than Satan or his servants. He is never blind to Satan’s tactics. We can be sure that God is fully aware of the pain we experience, and he can provide the comfort we need. We are blessed to serve “the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, 4 He comforting us in all our trouble, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in every trouble, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God..” Whom, though, does God use to offer comfort?
Who Can Provide Comfort?
Those who have been abandoned by parents or victimized by people close to them may especially need comfort. The psalmist David knew that God is the most reliable provider of comfort. (Read Psalm 27:10.) David had faith that God takes in those who have been rejected by their loved ones. How does God do so? He uses his faithful human servants. Our fellow worshipers of God are our spiritual family. For instance, Jesus spoke of those who joined him in worshiping God as his brothers, sisters, and mother.—Matt. 12:48-50.
Consider an example of such family-like relationships in the Christian congregation. The apostle Paul was a hardworking, faithful older volunteer. He set a fine example, and he was even inspired to tell others to imitate him as he imitated Christ. (1 Cor. 11:1) Note how Paul once described his work as an older volunteer: “[W]e were gentle among you, even as a nurse warmly cherishes her children.” (1 Thess. 2:7) Loyal church leaders today can likewise use tender, gentle words as they offer Scriptural comfort to those in need.
A mature sister comforts a sister who is suffering emotional. pain Mature Christian sisters are often very effective at giving comfort.
How Can We Offer Comfort?
Of course, we are careful not to pry into matters that a fellow Christian prefers to keep private. (1 Thess. 4:11) What, though, can we do for those who need and want help and comfort? Let us consider five Scriptural ways in which we may offer comfort.
1) Offer practical help. When the prophet Elijah was on the run for his life, he was so discouraged that he wished for death. God sent a mighty angel to visit that poor discouraged man. The angel provided very practical help. He gave Elijah a hot meal and encouraged him to eat. (Read 1 Kings 19:5-8.) That account illustrates a useful truth: Sometimes a simple act of practical kindness can do a great deal of good. Perhaps a meal, a modest gift, or a thoughtful card would assure a downhearted brother or sister of our love and concern. If we feel uncomfortable discussing very personal or painful subjects, perhaps we can still give such practical help.
2) Make distressed ones feel safe and comfortable. We may learn another lesson from the account about Elijah. God miraculously gave the prophet the help he needed to go all the way to Mount Horeb. Perhaps at that remote spot, where God had made his covenant with his people centuries earlier, Elijah felt safe. He may have felt that he was, at last, far out of the reach of those who sought to do him harm. What lesson may we draw? If we want to offer comfort to victims of abuse, we may need first to help them feel safe. For instance, church leaders should keep in mind that a distressed sister may feel safer and more comfortable having a cup of tea in a relaxed setting at home than she would in a church conference room. Another might feel the opposite.
Two church leaders visit a sister who is suffering emotional pain; she has invited a mature sister who comforted her to be present. We can provide healing by listening patiently, praying earnestly, and choosing comforting words.
3) Be a good listener. The Bible offers this clear advice: “Everyone must be quick to listen, slow to speak.” (Jas. 1:19) Are we good listeners? We might tend to think of listening as a passive act—as if it means nothing more than staying still, looking at the person, and saying nothing. But good listening involves more than that. For example, Elijah finally poured out his anguished feelings to God, and God truly listened. God perceived that Elijah was scared, felt alone, and thought that all his work had been for nothing. God lovingly addressed each concern. He showed that he had truly listened to Elijah.—1 Ki. 19:9-11, 15-18.
We can show sympathy and tender compassion—which are expressions of love—while listening. At times, a few tactful, warm words may show how we feel. You might say: “I am so sorry that happened to you! No child should be treated that way!” Perhaps you could ask a question or two to make sure you understand what the anguished friend is saying. You might ask, “Can you please help me understand what you mean?” or “When you said that, I concluded . . . Did I get it right?” Such loving expressions may assure the person that you are truly listening, trying to make sure that you understand.—1 Cor. 13:4, 7.
Be careful, though, to remain “slow to speak.” Do not interrupt to give advice or to correct the person’s thinking. And be patient! When Elijah finally poured out his heart to God, he spoke in strong terms, expressing anguish. Later, after God strengthened Elijah’s faith, the man poured out his feelings again, using the very same words. (1 Ki. 19:9, 10, 13, 14) The lesson? Sometimes distressed ones need to pour out their heart more than once. Like God, we want to listen patiently. Rather than trying to provide solutions, we offer sympathy and tender compassion.—1 Pet. 3:8.
An older volunteer says a prayer with a sister who is suffering emotional pain; another older volunteer and a mature sister listen
4) Pray earnestly with the one in pain. Those who are very low in spirits may feel unable to pray. A person may feel unworthy to approach God. If we want to comfort such a person, we may offer a prayer with that one, using his or her name. We may express to God how dear the downhearted one is to us and to the congregation. We may ask God to soothe and comfort that precious disciples of his. Prayers of that kind can be profoundly comforting.—Jas. 5:16.
5) Choose words that heal and console. Think before you speak. Thoughtless words can hurt. Kind words can heal. (Prov. 12:18) So pray to God for help to find kind, comforting, soothing words. Keep in mind that no words are more powerful than God’s own expressions contained in the Bible.—Heb. 4:12.
Past abuse may have convinced some that they are dirty, worthless, or unloved—even unlovable. What a terrible lie! So use the Scriptures to remind them of their true value in God’s eyes. (See the box “Comfort From the Scriptures.”) Remember how an angel kindly strengthened the prophet Daniel when he was feeling weak and low. God wanted that dear man to know that he was precious. (Dan. 10:2, 11, 19) Likewise, our anguished brothers and sisters are precious to God!
Comfort From the Scriptures
JOB 34:22-28
In some cases, abusers may seem to get away with their wicked deeds. But they cannot hide from God, who hears the cries of their victims. Trusting in God’s justice can help us find peace.
PSALM 62:8
“As that verse encourages, I poured out my heart before God, and I begged him for comfort and for a sound heart and mind. Through constant prayer to God, I gradually found real comfort and peace of mind.”—An older volunteer who was sexually abused when he was about nine.—See also Psalm 56:8-13.
ISAIAH 41:10, 13
These verses paint a comforting picture of God as a loving, protective Father who helps his servants during hard times. God’s people around the world have experienced the truthfulness of those words, including in the wake of abuse.
ISAIAH 32:1, 2
“I turned to the church leaders for help. They sat down with me on several occasions and took their time talking to me. They showed personal interest and listened carefully. They prayed with me and for me.”—A Christian sister who was molested at about age six.
1 CORINTHIANS 13:4, 7
Keep those verses in mind when listening to someone disclose past abuse. Avoid expressions of disbelief or skepticism. Many abusers tell children that if they report the abuse, no one will believe them. Some children grow up thinking that. So focus instead on the very real pain of your fellow Christian, and offer what comfort you can.
2 CORINTHIANS 10:4, 5
Sexual abuse can teach young ones to believe lies, but God’s inspired Word can overturn even the most entrenched of satanic lies.
1 JOHN 3:19, 20
When our heart condemns us unfairly, we must remember that God “is greater than our hearts and knows all things.” His Word can reassure us of this truth: We are precious in God’s eyes.
When we comfort others, we remind them of God’s love. And we must never forget that God is also a God of justice. No wicked act of abuse is really hidden. God sees all, and he will not let unrepentant wrongdoers go unpunished. (Num. 14:18) Meanwhile, let us do all we can to show love to those who have experienced abuse. Moreover, how comforting it is to know that God will permanently heal all those who have been abused by Satan and his world! Soon, these painful things will never again come up into the mind or heart.—Isa. 65:17.